Monday, October 29, 2007

Just 10 days ago

I have a personal tradition that while I fold laundry, I ask the Lord to bless the person who gave us the piece of clothing (And yes, most of our clothing, especially the kids, has come from a generous friend!) and then as I sort the laundry and place the items in their perspective piles, I ask the Lord to bless the child who will be wearing them. I know this practice is one of the few ways I can repay those who are so generous in remembering us. So while I'm folding and praying I came upon a baby item too small for AJ. As I held this little onesie close to my heart, I realized I have a lot of emotions regarding this lost baby that I'm probably not dealing with yet.

My days are too busy to be falling apart or full of the blues. And so I try to hold things together all day long....but in the quiet of the late night, I have more trouble holding that stiff upper lip...and find these lips quivering and tears rolling. I looked at the calendar....I wanted to see how my life has changed so dramatically in so short a time.

Just 10 days ago was my 45th birthday. I was filled with happiness that day. My DH (which on most birthdays or other gift giving holidays, the DH doesn't stand for darling husband, but rather *ick Head! Tim loves me with his whole heart and I know that, but the gift thing has never been important to him and I usually get nothing at all.) has totally blown me away by sending me the most beautiful flower arrangement, with my very favorite flowers....I got a huge bouquet of daisies, with a dozen red roses mixed in!! I felt so very special!! God had chosen me to have another child. I was 45 and expecting my 12th child, and I felt so blessed!! I grew up in a family with 12 children, 6 boys and 6 girls. And if this new baby I was carrying was a boy, and I truly believed that it was, then we would have matched that feat....12 children with 6 boys and 6 girls. My dad had made this comment when I called to tell him I was pregnant...how wonderful it would be if our family could do the 6 & 6 thing. I just felt so special!!

The next night my darling took me out to dinner. We had an absolute wonderful time, dining with a couple whom we are very fond of. This seemed like the best birthday I have ever had!! The kids were wonderful and lovingly excited about Mommy's birthday. I felt like I had my own little slice of heaven right here on earth.

But then the next evening I noticed the tiniest, slightest shade of pink on the toilet paper. It was hardly even noticeable, much less worth mentioning....but I did tell Tim that I thought I might be spotting. Throughout the next week, I continued to have a very small amount of blood, only visible on the toilet paper.

To be continued....

10 comments:

Elijah'sMom said...

Ibby,
I am so speechless. I don't know the words to say...I just hope that you and your family is coping ok and you know that you have a HUGE online family that loves you ALL so much. If you need anything at all...please let us know. You can call me anytime, for anything!!! Big hugs from me and Elijah...we love you! * )

Artie's Mom said...

((((Ibby))))
We are thinking of you and praying for peace of mind and heart for you and your family.

Elbog said...

The fact that you pray over laundry both warms my heart, yet does not surprise me. I envision you praying over lots of tasks. The person that I know you to be inspires me in ways you couldn't know. May God's grace sustain you, dear Ibby.

Basketcollector said...

SO sorry....praying you are feeling
Heavenly arms around you.....

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Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Love,
The Garcia Family
Frank, Renee,
Kassidy, Kameron,
Kennedy & Keeghan

http://www.myspecialks.blogspot.com
http://www.carepages.com site name: KennedyGarcia

Basketcollector said...

How are you doing? I need toget onto Downsyn cuz you're prbably there more huh? Ashton is trying to walk! He has the all fours walking down pat...too funnny to watch him!

Laura said...

I just found your blog. I have 9 children with our 5th child Jonathan having down syndrome. I will be praying for you and your family. It has been some time since you updated so, I hope all is going well.

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Debra said...

I am just posting and will come back and read this. I did read the first few lines and what a neat idea. We also have alot of our clothes given to us and never thought about that. I also never thought of how easy it would be to pray as I fold and I know what that is like, goes on forever.

Hugs
Debra and Hope