I have a personal tradition that while I fold laundry, I ask the Lord to bless the person who gave us the piece of clothing (And yes, most of our clothing, especially the kids, has come from a generous friend!) and then as I sort the laundry and place the items in their perspective piles, I ask the Lord to bless the child who will be wearing them. I know this practice is one of the few ways I can repay those who are so generous in remembering us. So while I'm folding and praying I came upon a baby item too small for AJ. As I held this little onesie close to my heart, I realized I have a lot of emotions regarding this lost baby that I'm probably not dealing with yet.
My days are too busy to be falling apart or full of the blues. And so I try to hold things together all day long....but in the quiet of the late night, I have more trouble holding that stiff upper lip...and find these lips quivering and tears rolling. I looked at the calendar....I wanted to see how my life has changed so dramatically in so short a time.
Just 10 days ago was my 45th birthday. I was filled with happiness that day. My DH (which on most birthdays or other gift giving holidays, the DH doesn't stand for darling husband, but rather *ick Head! Tim loves me with his whole heart and I know that, but the gift thing has never been important to him and I usually get nothing at all.) has totally blown me away by sending me the most beautiful flower arrangement, with my very favorite flowers....I got a huge bouquet of daisies, with a dozen red roses mixed in!! I felt so very special!! God had chosen me to have another child. I was 45 and expecting my 12th child, and I felt so blessed!! I grew up in a family with 12 children, 6 boys and 6 girls. And if this new baby I was carrying was a boy, and I truly believed that it was, then we would have matched that feat....12 children with 6 boys and 6 girls. My dad had made this comment when I called to tell him I was pregnant...how wonderful it would be if our family could do the 6 & 6 thing. I just felt so special!!
The next night my darling took me out to dinner. We had an absolute wonderful time, dining with a couple whom we are very fond of. This seemed like the best birthday I have ever had!! The kids were wonderful and lovingly excited about Mommy's birthday. I felt like I had my own little slice of heaven right here on earth.
But then the next evening I noticed the tiniest, slightest shade of pink on the toilet paper. It was hardly even noticeable, much less worth mentioning....but I did tell Tim that I thought I might be spotting. Throughout the next week, I continued to have a very small amount of blood, only visible on the toilet paper.
To be continued....
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
So tired I can't see straight to type
Okay, I'm not doing very well coming up with a topic for today's entry. I was up virtually the entire night with Hope, age 2. She has occasional bad bouts with asthma, and last night was pretty severe. She couldn't sleep, and a few times coughed so hard that she threw up...so I was giving breathing treatments and giving post-vomit baths. I did finally lay down for about an hour at 7:30am, before I got up and took kids to Mass.
After Mass we made a fabulous brunch in honor of Kevin's 15th birthday. After a brief nap, I then drove Kevin and Sean to Sioux City so they could shop for guitar accessories.
I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Have a great week.
Ibby
After Mass we made a fabulous brunch in honor of Kevin's 15th birthday. After a brief nap, I then drove Kevin and Sean to Sioux City so they could shop for guitar accessories.
I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Have a great week.
Ibby
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Okay, I'm back!
I'm such a louse! I made a pledge to blog here...and haven't even checked back here since the first of October. I was so surprised to see comments from my first attempt. People actually visited my blog!! WOO HOO!! But then if no one has heard from me again in nearly two weeks...how do I get folks to know I'm back? Hmmmm....
Can I offer an explanation in my defense? As I said in my last post, I was "dead dog tired" that night. And then late the next night, I discovered why I was so tired. Late that night, after I had all the wee ones bathed, all the homework done, all the permission slips signed, and dinner dishes cleaned up (I could try to think of some of the other things I had done that night, but it makes me tired just thinking of it....so I'll leave the rest to your imagination) I made the 20 minute trip to the nearest WalMart.
After buying a few hundred dollars in groceries and diapers, I remembered I forgot arch supports for my extremely flat footed son, so I went back inside while my oldest boy, Kevin, loaded the groceries in the car. While I was in WalMart I had the thought of buying a pregnancy test. I then went into the WalMart bathroom and took the test right there!! And what do you know....I'm pregnant again, expecting # 12!!
Now I did make it home before midnight, and the thought of this blog did cross my mind briefly, but I thought I had better take the time and break the news to Tim. So I hope this gives me a pass on blogging for the day. The next few days were basically a blur. I felt terrible with my kidney stuff. Hubby and I were in a bit of a daze....to be honest, we were hardly talking at all. Not that we were upset with each other, it was just a daze. Another few days of feeling terrible followed. Then comes the Buddy Walk over the weekend. I walked the mile and really shouldn't have. My feet have been bothering me so badly with neuropathy pain. So following the Buddy Walk was a day or two of recuperating.
Then comes the day of Sean's jr. high football game in the afternoon and Kevin's football game that evening. Kevin is a freshman and is the quarterback for the JV team. Tim and I are also scheduled to work in the concession stand. So between games I run home to try to feed the little guys dinner. Tim left to start our shift at the concession stand while I try to get things in order a bit before I leave again.
I arrive at the game a few minutes into the first quarter, only to see one of our players down on the field. As our player is being carried off, I notice Tim is not in the concession stand...and slowly come to the realization that the injured player is my son! Kevin was sacked...tackled from the side with his leg bent back the wrong direction. Since Tim is a chiropractor, they ask him down on the field for injuries. So Tim is down looking at Kev, and I'm doing all I can not to run down there like a scared mom....definitely not cool!! I later learned that while Tim was examining Kevin's leg, the two referees stood close by, discussing Kevin's injuries, unaware that Kevin was listening to them. They both agreed it was the worst looking injury they had ever seen...a comment they kept repeating and repeating.
Kevin and Mom at Buddy Walk
So we went home and settled kids down again. Tim stayed home to watch over little ones and I took Kev to the ER. The ER docs are unable to determine if he has torn or sprained his ligaments and sent us home with Kevin on crutches to wait for a couple days before we see a specialist. By the end of the ER visit, I am doing my best not to have dry heaves in the hallway on our way out. Of course, when I get Kevin out to the car, I realize I had left the keys in, and the nurse helping with the wheelchair on our arrival accidentally hit the automatic door locks.
In the midst of all of this, add some major teenage drama, followed by parental invasion of digital privacy, followed by major confrontation, followed by a guilty plea, followed by some major grounding and loss of privelege. Darn good fun! Now as far as the perceived invasion of privacy, my response was this. Your right to privacy ends when your behavior leads your parents to believe you are making some questionable and even dangerous choices. Are you all with me here?
So fast forward through a few more days of feeling terrible, taking care of business at home, driving to doctors appointments and then driving to Sioux City to bring home our oldest from college for the weekend....and here we are at today!!
I wish I knew how to take a poll on a blog. I would like to have you all vote as to whether my lack of blogging for the first part of the month gets an excused absense.
What do you all think?? :)
Can I offer an explanation in my defense? As I said in my last post, I was "dead dog tired" that night. And then late the next night, I discovered why I was so tired. Late that night, after I had all the wee ones bathed, all the homework done, all the permission slips signed, and dinner dishes cleaned up (I could try to think of some of the other things I had done that night, but it makes me tired just thinking of it....so I'll leave the rest to your imagination) I made the 20 minute trip to the nearest WalMart.
After buying a few hundred dollars in groceries and diapers, I remembered I forgot arch supports for my extremely flat footed son, so I went back inside while my oldest boy, Kevin, loaded the groceries in the car. While I was in WalMart I had the thought of buying a pregnancy test. I then went into the WalMart bathroom and took the test right there!! And what do you know....I'm pregnant again, expecting # 12!!
Now I did make it home before midnight, and the thought of this blog did cross my mind briefly, but I thought I had better take the time and break the news to Tim. So I hope this gives me a pass on blogging for the day. The next few days were basically a blur. I felt terrible with my kidney stuff. Hubby and I were in a bit of a daze....to be honest, we were hardly talking at all. Not that we were upset with each other, it was just a daze. Another few days of feeling terrible followed. Then comes the Buddy Walk over the weekend. I walked the mile and really shouldn't have. My feet have been bothering me so badly with neuropathy pain. So following the Buddy Walk was a day or two of recuperating.
Then comes the day of Sean's jr. high football game in the afternoon and Kevin's football game that evening. Kevin is a freshman and is the quarterback for the JV team. Tim and I are also scheduled to work in the concession stand. So between games I run home to try to feed the little guys dinner. Tim left to start our shift at the concession stand while I try to get things in order a bit before I leave again.
I arrive at the game a few minutes into the first quarter, only to see one of our players down on the field. As our player is being carried off, I notice Tim is not in the concession stand...and slowly come to the realization that the injured player is my son! Kevin was sacked...tackled from the side with his leg bent back the wrong direction. Since Tim is a chiropractor, they ask him down on the field for injuries. So Tim is down looking at Kev, and I'm doing all I can not to run down there like a scared mom....definitely not cool!! I later learned that while Tim was examining Kevin's leg, the two referees stood close by, discussing Kevin's injuries, unaware that Kevin was listening to them. They both agreed it was the worst looking injury they had ever seen...a comment they kept repeating and repeating.
Kevin and Mom at Buddy Walk
So we went home and settled kids down again. Tim stayed home to watch over little ones and I took Kev to the ER. The ER docs are unable to determine if he has torn or sprained his ligaments and sent us home with Kevin on crutches to wait for a couple days before we see a specialist. By the end of the ER visit, I am doing my best not to have dry heaves in the hallway on our way out. Of course, when I get Kevin out to the car, I realize I had left the keys in, and the nurse helping with the wheelchair on our arrival accidentally hit the automatic door locks.
In the midst of all of this, add some major teenage drama, followed by parental invasion of digital privacy, followed by major confrontation, followed by a guilty plea, followed by some major grounding and loss of privelege. Darn good fun! Now as far as the perceived invasion of privacy, my response was this. Your right to privacy ends when your behavior leads your parents to believe you are making some questionable and even dangerous choices. Are you all with me here?
So fast forward through a few more days of feeling terrible, taking care of business at home, driving to doctors appointments and then driving to Sioux City to bring home our oldest from college for the weekend....and here we are at today!!
I wish I knew how to take a poll on a blog. I would like to have you all vote as to whether my lack of blogging for the first part of the month gets an excused absense.
What do you all think?? :)
Monday, October 1, 2007
October Blogging Challenge
Since there is no sign of life here at this blog, it is time for a drastic intervention, so I accepted a challenge to promote Down Syndrome awareness. So I'll be blogging every day this month, 31 for 21 (T21).
At the moment, I am dead dog tired. There are only ten minutes left in today. I can't think of much worthwhile, but gosh darn it, I'm here and blogging!
I promise, tomorrow will be better!!
Ibby
At the moment, I am dead dog tired. There are only ten minutes left in today. I can't think of much worthwhile, but gosh darn it, I'm here and blogging!
I promise, tomorrow will be better!!
Ibby
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